Seriously, ask me anything. I’ll give you advice, reveal my secrets, or tell you I don’t want to answer your question.

Seeking advice: I struggle with feeling like I offer value, while also hissing like a cat at any praise or recognition for my work. How do I learn to accept the praise and translate that to my value to my friends and coworkers?

Honestly, I get it. I bet this resonates with quite a few people, and I know from past experience it can be hard to accept praise, even when desperate for it. I’m sorry that something taught you to believe you aren’t inherently valuable and to deflect the praise you deserve.

This might not work for everyone, but it’s worked for me. Let’s try reframing that praise: Isn’t it actually rude not to accept that your friends and coworkers and the people praising you know what they’re talking about? I doubt you think they’re idiots or liars and, I promise you, they do not have to speak well of you. By deflecting that praise, you’re (unintentionally!) implying they’ve chosen to lie to you, or that they aren’t an expert on their own experience. Don’t do that to them! Trust they know what they’re talking about: You have brought value!

When I don’t like how I respond to situations that happen to me frequently, I often make a very short scripted response to practice and use. This is how I stopped saying “it’s okay” when people misgendered or dead-named me and how I got better at accepting a compliment. It can be as simple as “thank you.” Decide what it is, write it down somewhere, and practice using it alone and in the moment. It’ll help you respond better when people offer you praise, and it might even help you start more deeply believing them if you aren’t deflecting every time.

Finally, when it comes to helping that praise stick and believing in your value, I highly highly recommending making a Bad Days document or folder and collecting any praise you receive that feels meaningful so you can refer back to it when you’re second guessing or feeling down. For me this has mostly been screenshots of short messages from people who liked my plays, with a few silly, pep talk style videos from social media thrown in.

I believe you are valuable. Thank you for sending in a thoughtful question. As always, take what helps, and leave what doesn’t.

SEND ME A QUESTION →

The writer was hit by a car while in a car

The writer was hit by a car while crossing the street

The writer was hit by a car when it crashed into their second story apartment

The writer got COVID

In a feverish state of drafting, the writer accidentally created a Rube Goldberg machine that dropped a pitcher of water on their laptop and almost killed their cat (the cat is fine)

Taylor Swift released a new album and the writer needs to edit the fanfiction’s playlist

The writer got COVID (again)

The writer started a new fanfiction about the same exact situation but from another character’s perspective

The writer just started grad school

But honestly, statistically speaking, it’s most likely that the writer got hit by a car

Look, I’ve said everyone’s trans for awhile now and I stand by it. Just come out already. And, if changing your body is something you’re interested in and have access to, just do it (even if you “aren’t” trans, even if you don’t think you count, etc etc etc.)

The only thing I regret about top surgery is not getting it when I first started tossing it around as a joke in therapy. Bless that therapist who said “tell me more about that” until I backed myself in a corner and realized if I wanted this so badly, it was okay for me to go for it.

There were immaculate vibes on my surgery day. My confidence was soaring. I (respectfully 😌) flirted with my anesthesiologists and nurses. I asked my surgeon to play Bad Bunny while I went under and, after complimenting my choice, he starting singing along loudly until a nurse said “you have got to calm down.” That’s the last thing I remember with tits and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

My beautiful, supportive partner babied me for two+ weeks while I drifted between sleep and Bobby Flay’s Throwdown. Family and friends brought me a lot of smoothies and snacks, as well as most of the recovery supplies I needed.

I am currently still wearing a binder (the final boss!!!), but that ends tomorrow, when I and my new shiny, nippleless chest will be unleashed on the world.

Send me sticker recommendations. I’m gonna start putting them where my nipples would be.

TOP SURGERY: 100/4 PAWS
FINAL BOSS OF BINDING: -100/4 PAWS

A little sampling of things I’ve enjoyed recently.