How to write an unproduceable play

Put the explosions in your play

Put the full body transformation in your play

Put the monster, the ghastly figure, the animated doll in your play

Put the magic in your play

Put the superpowers in your play

Put the wounds, the rivers, the ocean, the menstrual blood, the balls, the scars, the mountains, the gods in your play

Put the time jumps in your play

Put whole centuries in your play

Put your rage, your joy, your fear, your love in your play

Put the sinking ship, the collapsing dirigible, the crashing space station in your play

Put the entire world in your play

Put the ever-expanding universe in your play

Put the effects of climate change in your play and include the exact emissions of the theatre in your play

Put the symptoms of long COVID in your play and have the actors pass out masks in your play

Put the Artistic Director in your play

Put the theatre’s 990 in your play

Destroy private property in your play

Say all the actors in your play have to be your neighbors

Say all the actors in your play have to be Black or trans or disabled or fat or all of the above

Use your stage directions in your play - give them voice, make them indecipherable, remind us that a story is not just the words that are said or the plot points that happen

Require a cast of ten, or one hundred, or the population of the entire world in your play

Say your themes with your chest in your play

Show and tell in your play

Say ACAB in your play

Say Free Palestine in your play

Say fuck borders, no more countries in your play

Say free health care, free food, free housing in your play

Say people are more important than art in your play

Put the theatre’s 990 in your play and this time ask the actors if they’d be willing to share what they’re being paid per hour in your play

Don’t make your play about your trauma

Or do make your play about your trauma but don’t make it for them

Or do make your play for them but make them uncomfortable, so uncomfortable they can’t feel in on it

Or just make your play for you, only you, and when they ask who it’s for say “me” and dare them to say that’s not good enough

Make the cowards look you in the face and say “your play is unproduceable” then ask why an entire art form is full of decision makers with no imaginations