Dealing with rejection when you really really wanted a yes

This newsletter is specific to rejected playwriting project proposals, but is absolutely universal and incredibly relatable. It should be helpful for ANYONE dealing with ANY rejection!!!!

Go straight to bed no matter what time it is and tell yourself all things seem better in the morning

Spend the next 4 hours tossing and turning because you know when you’re lying and you were LYING dammit it’s not gonna seem better in the morning at all

Eat something cold out of the fridge. Best if it should be prepared with other ingredients in some way like shredded cheese or a slice of cold bread (I think most people don’t keep bread in the fridge but the kind that won’t murder my body molds easily)

Tell everyone who gives you a comforting glance or word “it is what it is” and you “knew the whole time it was gonna be a no” so “it’s not a surprise or big deal at ALL”

Ask yourself why you keep rejecting people who just want to make sure you’re okay, does this have something to do with your mother

Write a self-pitying newsletter about it

Write a self-pitying newsletter about your mother

Write a self-pitying Instastory barely masquerading as a humorous Instastory about it

Wonder if the project you pitched would already be written if you had worked on that instead of self-pitying posts

Smoke at 9 in the morning and immediately regret it

Buy yourself some new clothes you definitely don’t need because maybe they’ll make you look more like a writer

Borrow two pleasant and empathetic pups to lay across your lap and beside you while you stare blankly at an Australian dessert competition waiting to come down from the high

Decide that creating a matchbox size cake with 8 different layers of vanilla (chantilly, macaron, ganache, brûlée, etc etc etc) is definitely easier than writing a play, maybe even a project proposal, and also probably a game

Decide to become a baking show contestant

Remember you have celiac disease and all these desserts use flour and also sometimes malt and occasionally, for fuck knows why, rye

Start a power ranking of the people you’d bring with you as taste testers

Begin googling - has there been a celiac contestant on any of these (there’s two people on “Sugar Rush” and someone on “Chopped” at the very least)? what kind of person is the celebrity judge on this show (someone who doesn’t pay his taxes and underpays his employees, it seems)? how much do chef jackets cost (I found some for 9.99)? is there a “how to win a baking competition” book (not that I can find, but there are dessert contest tips articles and tasting your dish is apparently essential)? what was the first baking show competition on tv (this was too difficult to determine, especially if I’m making sure to not just settle on the first American show)?

Begin wondering if this is a play

Determine this is a play and add it to the list

Add it to the potential game list too, just in case