100%ing Stardew Valley Wasn’t Worth The Monster I Became To Get There

At a certain point in every save of Stardew Valley I find myself mulling over the same question: Do I quit and start a new farm to mix things up? Or do I finally try to 100%/get “Perfection” in this game and see the super special ending cutscene and credits?

Despite a tendency to turn games into unpaid jobs, I’m not big on completing them. Did I make materials spreadsheets for upgrading every piece of clothing in Breath of the Wild? Well yeah of course, but it also took Tears of the Kingdom coming out before I faced the final Ganon in Breath of the Wild. I still haven’t faced him in TotK. Until recently, Stardew had been no exception.

But Stardew has an exciting patch coming out soon with a load of goodies like hats for your dog or cat and winter outfits for the villagers. I knew I’d be tempted to start a brand new farm as a slow little guy with practically no skills and no charm. I’d be back to Haley telling me I’m dirty and Shane yelling at me for saying hi. I’d be back to losing more than half of the fish I try to catch. I’d be back to dying in Skull Cavern.

It was time to reopen a save file where I was buff, fast, and building a wine/diamonds empire. It was time to 100% Stardew.

When I reopened the save file, I had already reached max hearts with every villager and level 10 in every skill. I was pretty close to all the shipping, crafting, catching, finding goals, so I prioritized those first, working on each a little every day until I completed them.

A few (Stardew and irl) days later, I traded in 333 omni geodes for a color-changing cowboy hat. It looked incredible with my leather jacket and crystal boots: I was finally the gay disco cowboy of the Valley! At the time I didn’t know it was the last bit of joy I’d have in this save file.

See, the real difficulty is paying for the obelisks and that damned gold clock. The total combined price tag of 13 million gold is A Lot of (Stardew) Money. I felt confident in my Ancient Fruit winery and machines churning out diamonds, but after a couple of (Stardew) weeks I realized this was going to take A While. In Stardew and irl.

I built more machines to make more diamonds. I foraged for fruit and flowers. I planted seasonal crops. I fished or mined for some extra cash. I sold everything. Every (Stardew) minute of every (Stardew) day became dedicated to making money. Money I hoarded to buy that damn clock.

Eventually I realized it’d be faster to abandon foraging, fishing, and mining altogether. Instead, I’d wake up and down a triple shot espresso (it makes you move faster), then address any crops, animal goods, wine, or diamonds and go back to sleep. Often I’d run back into bed in the (Stardew) afternoon, while my (Stardew) husband was still staring mindlessly at the fridge.

I stopped talking to the villagers and giving them gifts. Why bother? I already had max hearts with everyone. I stopped greeting my (Stardew) husband in the morning. It’s not like he was gonna move out. I stopped petting the farm animals. I stopped refilling the dog’s water bowl.

As the seasons passed, I started to feel… icky. In Stardew’s early game, I’ve always prioritized becoming friends with everyone by giving them gifts, doing every possible odd job, and building up the community center. I refused to give JojaMart any money. I pet all of my animals every day.

But in the late game, I had become the capitalist pig I tried to avoid. I was no longer a beneficial member of my community. I was just earning as much as possible on my farms, hoarding all my wealth, and going to sleep. I had become a self-serving villain, and it was too late to turn back. I was only a season or so away from completing the game.

When the day finally came, I bought the gold clock and threw it on my farm in the first spot it would fit – fuck beautiful farm design. I drank a triple shot espresso, jumped on my horse, and rode up to the top of the valley, where my husband waited for me.

But at what cost, Elliott? At what cost???

Anyways, the super secret special credits are cute, but they aren’t worth the monster I became to get there. Just watch them on YouTube instead.